Day of Love

Happy Valentines Day to my beautiful wife!

This morning, however, was a different story.

I told the boys last week that this week, we’d begin to talk about their home lives. This had always been the most dreaded (by the boys) and also the week that carries the most baggage.

I’ve had students in the past who haven’t come from an abusive background, but I’d have to say that at least 85% of those who are forced to take my class carry years of abuse on their shoulders.

When it comes to talking about it, most of the boys lie and tell a story of a wonderful, loving household that they were fortunate enough to spend their childhood in. Jacob did that today; I don’t need to read minds to know that that is not his home life, but it’s all about giving these boys their own time to open up.

It was wonderful, in an ironic sense of the word, to hear a couple of my students be honest about their pasts… It’s the first step to owning up to what has happened within their own lives and their own relationships, but there’s on young man… perhaps the one who needs the class most, who doesn’t see the patterns that exist within his life… He’s angry, but he won’t accept the help.

I can only help those who allow me in.

It was the first time I told Cat that I loved her, and about my dad.

I had been hiding out for the day; my dad laid one on me pretty good. She couldn’t see me like this, but she didn’t take no for an answer. She came over and demanded that I open the door. She knew as soon as she saw. I told her she couldn’t tell anyone – no one else knew… and I told her I loved her. 

She said, “I love you too.”

But I loved you...

He came up to me today at school.

He’s not supposed to talk to me, let alone see me, and I told him that. He told me to throw away the order. Doesn’t he know how scared I am? He betrayed my trust in the worst way possible.

He said he’s changed, but I don’t see it. His eyes are still stone cold. I could hardly keep it together just being near him. It doesn’t matter that part of me still loves him - I can’t be with him. He reminded me when he told me “I never loved you, you know.”

Thanks Nick. 

I ran into Caitlin today at school. I know I’m not supposed to be anywhere near her, but I needed to see her. She talked to me though. I could tell she was uncomfortable. All I wanted to do was hold her, and be with her again.

She called me out for my hang-up calls. I didn’t admit to it, but I know she they were me. Why couldn’t she just drop the charges? I asked if she still felt the same way… I know she does but she just said “I can’t take this,” and walked away. I told her I never loved her. I don’t know why, but she can’t see me hurt.

She dropped her pen as she left.

I kept it.